Dear Derek

I met you when I owned my little ‘Seconds’ shop in Nottingham Road. You were caring for Malcolm back then and used to come in for a browse and a chat. Together we would examine little trinkets, wonder about their origins, and, over many cups of tea would tell each other our life stories. Never too much, never too little. You shared but you never over-shared.

You made me laugh, I made you laugh. You were tough, forthright and gentle all rolled into one…. you were a great listener and only gave advice if asked, and you only gave it once.
If I ever twice raised the subject of a problem I was having you would tell me that you had already told me what you thought. You didn’t re-visit tired discussions and more than that you never judged. You were the most honest person I’ve ever met….. you told your truth simply and with great honesty, you thought before you spoke. You listened.
Other people’s lives interested you,but honestly, not that much…… great stories, nature, animals, feathers, climbing mountains, rivers and cats interested you much more.

You told me you had a complicated relationship with money, you had seen great wealth and great poverty, experienced great happiness as well as great sadness, to you, money was necessary only for what was necessary. Wealth did not impress you, you were indifferent to it.

Your firm caring of Malcolm provided him with dignity. I did not know him but I knew him through your eyes. You allowed his failing cognisance to find its own pace under your watchful eye. You allowed him to roam, to rant and to rail ….but you then quietly guided him back to those gaps of lucidity and normality until the shortness of these moments became too much, not for you, but for him.

You cared for your friend Karen. You protected her privacy and dignity. I didn’t know her either… all I knew is that once again, you were there for a fragile person. It must have been a load, but you would never have expressed that. You were a strong, decent, honourable man.

Derek, in my eyes, you were a giant force. A rare person, loved by everyone who met you, most left wondering why they felt such an instant pull towards you. Sometimes it irritated you, you were a busy guy and all of us wanted to be in your aura.

You have quietly stepped away now, I called you my secret best friend, a thousand others probably also thought they were your secret best friends but the reality is that you were your own best friend.
You lived as you died, on your own terms.

We surely remember the days from school when we got a little gold star next to our name when we did well. I think we all pray that when our lives are over that people will say that we worked hard to find happiness aYou did that Derek, you found that by yourself and no-one had to point it out to you.

To quote the poem ‘The Chaos of Stars’

And I’d choose you;
in a hundred lifetimes,
in a hundred worlds,
in any version of reality,
I’d find you and
I’d choose you.

Thank you for being my friend.
I love you Derek.
Your friend - Candy